A while ago I mentioned on my facebook page how tired I was of being used by people. I am that person that extends herself to people who are feeling lost and isolated. I have done this many times before, and very few times has anyone actually shown any appreciation. What I mean by this is, people enter my life feeling shitty, and somehow for whatever reason start to feel better about themselves, and then suddenly the excuses begin: "no, I can't hang out that night, I'm busy/ sorry i didn't call you back, I had no time/ I have plans/ you wouldn't like my new friends..." You get the point.
This is all well and good. I have learnt over the years that I don't really need people. Of course there are a few people for whom I have a great, unconditional love, but they are very few. And even so, I live with the understanding that nothing is forever, and so to be attached to someone or something is a dangerous thing.
So where does this blog entry stem from? Is it because it is February and that means only one thing for me? Friday the 8th marks my father's birthday, and my mother's 12 year death anniversary - and that certainly puts things into perspective.
I show the kindness I do to people because I am my parent's daughter. There is no other reason, I don't actively help people because I feel they will do the same for me. My parent's already taught me that is a gift, should it happen, a blessing.
But, I have a problem with this notion: that the person being bestowed with kindness and compassion has no responsibility to do good, to pay it forward (if not back).
Recently people have told me what a huge influence I am in their lives, whether or not they are actively with me, they make smarter choices because they have heard from me, or read something I have posted. And yet, and yet, these wonderful sentiments are followed with a series of excuses as to why people are backing out of their commitments to me, or why I can't be introduced to the new wonderful people in their lives (because apparently I am such a giant bitch I do not how to meet and greet people - in which case what are you doing in my life?)
I am really quite sick of it all. And frankly, I think maybe it is time to burn some bridges. Perhaps it is better to coexist with certain people, than to befriend them. Perhaps it is better to collaborate with some rather than to embrace them. Perhaps I shouldn't waste my time on people who clearly have no time for me.
I don't mean this in some spiteful, wicked way, but I am already the person people come to when things are difficult, and I am not going to be used, thrown aside, and be the person they come back to when everything falls apart.
Not again.
This is all well and good. I have learnt over the years that I don't really need people. Of course there are a few people for whom I have a great, unconditional love, but they are very few. And even so, I live with the understanding that nothing is forever, and so to be attached to someone or something is a dangerous thing.
So where does this blog entry stem from? Is it because it is February and that means only one thing for me? Friday the 8th marks my father's birthday, and my mother's 12 year death anniversary - and that certainly puts things into perspective.
I show the kindness I do to people because I am my parent's daughter. There is no other reason, I don't actively help people because I feel they will do the same for me. My parent's already taught me that is a gift, should it happen, a blessing.
But, I have a problem with this notion: that the person being bestowed with kindness and compassion has no responsibility to do good, to pay it forward (if not back).
Recently people have told me what a huge influence I am in their lives, whether or not they are actively with me, they make smarter choices because they have heard from me, or read something I have posted. And yet, and yet, these wonderful sentiments are followed with a series of excuses as to why people are backing out of their commitments to me, or why I can't be introduced to the new wonderful people in their lives (because apparently I am such a giant bitch I do not how to meet and greet people - in which case what are you doing in my life?)
I am really quite sick of it all. And frankly, I think maybe it is time to burn some bridges. Perhaps it is better to coexist with certain people, than to befriend them. Perhaps it is better to collaborate with some rather than to embrace them. Perhaps I shouldn't waste my time on people who clearly have no time for me.
I don't mean this in some spiteful, wicked way, but I am already the person people come to when things are difficult, and I am not going to be used, thrown aside, and be the person they come back to when everything falls apart.
Not again.
You are welcome to meet me and mine any day. And I do not just say that because you are far away.
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